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Apr 1 2011

Taking “Know Your Audience” to the Next Level

One of the prominent themes in Public Speaking courses is the idea of “know your audience.” It is typically shared as a means to help you connect with–and identity with–your audience. Are they engineers? Scientists? Sales professionals? Mostly female? Male? Long-tenured employees, or new hires, etc. I’d like to propose another layer of understanding your audience—one which can help you to better connect with, and engage, your audience from the beginning—one that attempts to get in their heads a bit more.

Once you know who the audience members are—30,000 ft view—it is helpful to begin to think about how they feel about things. Here are a few questions to consider when preparing to be in front of the group:

* What might they need from me?

* What fears or concerns might be on their minds?

* What biases might they have that could cloud their ability to hear my message?

* What is at stake for them in regards to my ideas/changes? What might they want to protect?

* What might a successful outcome of my presentation look like from their point-of-view?

Of course, answering the following question is key, as well: What is the purpose or point of my presentation? When I finish my delivery, what do I want the audience to be feeling, thinking…or willing to do as a result of my presentation?

The more clear you are on your answers to the questions above, the more able you will be to craft an Opening and content that will resonate with the audience, and minimize mental distractions on their part. Your audience will thank you…

Mar 27 2011

Responding to Other’s “Heavy” News

The Today Show on NBC the other morning had a segment on “What do you Say?”—or something similar. They interviewed people in the street to ask what they would say—or have had others say to them—in response to challenging situations: a job loss; the death of a family member; a divorce, etc. Many of the “helpful” responses actually resulted in angering, or frustrating, the afflicted person: “I know how you feel—but, getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to me,” “You’re lucky—could have been worse” or “Hey, it’s a new beginning!”

Watching this segment reminded me of something I often share in workshops: when another person is preoccupied—or upset—facing a situation like mentioned previously, the question we need to keep in mind is simply, “What does this person need from me?” Our natural inclination is to attempt to “help” or make others feel “better.” Problem is…we don’t know if that’s what the other really needs. Perhaps they simply need a sympathetic ear? Maybe they don’t actually need anything from you…just to share the information. Or, possibly they want your advice, or insights into previous experience with the same situation. But, you don’t know which of these options might be in play, so…best to simply focus on the other, and listen for what they might need from you.

One way to respond that might encourage the other to say more (and perhaps get to telling you what they’d like from you, e.g. advice, experience, thoughts, etc.) is to try and feed back what emotion you think the other person might be experiencing. We refer to this as a “LIFE” skill (Listening Intently For Emotion). As you listen, you can ask yourself, “What might this be like for the other person to have experienced this?” Often, emotions such as confusion, uncertainty, surprise, sadness, difficulty, etc. are present. Once we have deciphered our impression, we can simply verbalize it—without adding to the original message with new content/analysis, questions, etc.—as a means of proving we “hear” the other person: “Wow! Must have been surprising to hear that,” or, “I really sense your disappointment with this new situation.” The key is to deliver the response with sincerity and an invitational tone—while matching the emotional intensity of the other’s message (can’t phone it in!). The goal is to help the other feel heard and encourage them to say more (where you can listen for what they might need from you)–without you trying to change or “fix” them.

A key theme to bear in mind when someone else shares a “heavy” piece of news with you is that it is NOT your job to try and make them feel better…the best gift you can give is to be someone who accepts them and their situation, and demonstrates understanding and a willingness to provide time for the other to explore/share more deeply—if they choose to do so. Let’s be less “Fixer” and more “Listener!” Try taking this tip on a test drive…and see what you think!